NFL Power Rankings: Let’s overreact! Cowboys are the best in the league

[Buddy]

NFL Power Rankings: Let’s overreact! Cowboys are the best in the league

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[HipKat]

Do you remember that Chicago beat San Francisco in Week 1 last season? Or that Pittsburgh beat Cincinnati? The Power Rankings didn’t, but we looked it up. Those victorious Bears and Steelers missed the playoffs despite those wins. The 49ers and the Bengals went on to their respective conference championship games despite the losses. What does that tell us? To be careful about reading too much into Week 1.

Are we going to learn that lesson? No, no we are not. Week 1 of the 2023 season is complete, and the Power Rankings are here this week to overreact. The rankings have undergone quite a shuffle from our preseason rankings, but that’s because we’re all about the present. These are the 2023 Power Rankings. Thus, you’ll notice that the 16 winners are in the top half and the 16 losers are in the bottom half. We’re not about 2022 results, and we’re not here for folks resting on their $275 million laurels (looking at no one in particular here).

1. Dallas Cowboys (1-0)

(Last week: 7)

Sunday: Beat New York Giants 40-0

Mike McCarthy said this offseason that he was willing to sacrifice some offensive flash to help his defense. Turns out, the Cowboys may not even have to play offense this season. The Dallas defense got a pick-six touchdown, seven sacks (from five players), 12 quarterback hits (from seven players) and 10 tackles for loss (from seven players), and the Cowboys added a special teams score. The Giants averaged 2.6 yards per play, the 14th-lowest total in an NFL regular-season game in the last five years.

“We’re the best defense in the National Football League,” Cowboys linebacker Micah Parsons said after the game.

Forget that, Micah. We’re overreacting this week. The Cowboys have the best defense ever!

Up next: vs. New York Jets, Sunday, 4:25 p.m. ET

2. San Francisco 49ers (1-0)

(Last week: 10)

Sunday: Beat Pittsburgh Steelers 30-7

Fashion from the ’90s is coming back, and so are the NFC Championship Games from the ’90s because we can skip to Cowboys-49ers for a Super Bowl bid right now. Christian McCaffrey had 169 yards of offense and Brock Purdy became the first quarterback in NFL history to win each of his first six regular-season starts and throw two or more touchdown passes in each of those games. At one point in the first half Sunday, the Niners led the Steelers 223-1 in total yardage.

Up next: at Los Angeles Rams, Sunday, 4:05 p.m. ET

3. Miami Dolphins (1-0)

(Last week: 12)

Sunday: Beat Los Angeles Chargers 36-34

Tua Tagovailoa, welcome to the Gigantic NFL Quarterback Contract conversation. Tagovailoa threw for 466 yards, the fourth-most passing yards ever in a season-opening game. The other three guys to do it (Dan Marino, Norm Van Brocklin and Tom Brady) are in the Hall of Fame or headed there. Tyreek Hill had 215 receiving yards, more than the Cardinals, Seahawks, Giants and Bengals had in total offense Sunday.

Up next: at New England, Sunday, 8:20 p.m. ET

4. Cleveland Browns (1-0)

(Last week: 14)

Sunday: Beat Cincinnati Bengals 24-3

Whose head coaching job is Jim Schwartz going to get next year? The Browns’ first-year defensive coordinator dared the Bengals to beat single coverage (and just about every other kind of coverage) and unleashed defensive ends Myles Garrett and Za’Darius Smith, who each had four quarterback hits. Nick Chubb had 106 rushing yards and more catches than any other Brown (four). Deshaun Watson had a 67.3 passer rating. It didn’t matter.

Up next: at Pittsburgh, Monday, 8:15 p.m. ET

5. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0)

(Last week: 5)

Sunday: Beat Indianapolis Colts 31-21

Everyone who has money on the Jaguars winning the AFC South can go ahead and budget those winnings now. New Jacksonville wide receiver Calvin Ridley had seven catches for 92 yards and a touchdown in the first half. Old(-ish) Jacksonville edge rusher Josh Allen had three sacks and 10 tackles.

Up next: vs. Kansas City, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

6. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0)

(Last week: 2)

Sunday: Beat New England Patriots 25-20

At least six of the eight general managers who passed on Jalen Carter in the first round of the NFL Draft got texts from their owners Monday morning, right? The rookie defensive tackle had more quarterback hurries (seven) than any player in the league Sunday, and he did it on just 32 pass-rush snaps. The Eagles won despite being outgained by 131 yards.

Up next: vs. Minnesota, Thursday, 8:15 p.m. ET

7. Detroit Lions (1-0)

(Last week: 15)

Thursday: Beat Kansas City Chiefs 21-20

Detroit fans are going to be nuts at the Super Bowl parade. That’s how this works, right? You beat the champs, you own the belt. I mean, Jared Goff outplayed Patrick Mahomes. But seriously, the Lions, who haven’t won a playoff game since 1991, are 9-2 in their last 11 games.

Up next: vs. Seattle, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

8. Baltimore Ravens (1-0)

(Last week: 6)

Sunday: Beat Houston Texans 25-9

Enjoy the top 10, Ravens, because at this rate you may not be able to finish the season. With tight end Mark Andrews out with a quad injury, Baltimore watched as running back J.K. Dobbins tore his Achilles to end his season, safety Marcus Williams left with what The Athletic’s Dianna Russini reported is believed to be a torn pectoral muscle, and offensive linemen Ronnie Stanley (knee) and Tyler Linderbaum (ankle) left the game and didn’t return because of injury.

Up next: at Cincinnati, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

9. Green Bay Packers (1-0)

(Last week: 16)

Sunday: Beat Chicago Bears 38-20

The Packers shouldn’t be allowed to do this again. The team that has had only two starting quarterbacks since 1992 (Brett Favre from 1992 to 2007 and Aaron Rodgers from 2008 to 2022) may be completing the trilogy with Jordan Love, who had the league’s best passer rating (123.2) and third-best yards per attempt (9.1) Sunday.

Up next: at Atlanta, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

10. Los Angeles Rams (1-0)

(Last week: 26)

Sunday: Beat Seattle Seahawks 30-13

Sean McVay will be coaching in Los Angeles until he’s 60 at this rate. Puka Nacua, a fifth-round pick out of BYU, became one of only five players in NFL history with 10 or more catches in his NFL debut (10 for 119 yards). Tutu Atwell added 119 receiving yards.

Up next: vs. San Francisco, 4:05 p.m. ET

11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0)

(Last week: 28)

Sunday: Beat Minnesota Vikings 20-17

Baker Mayfield has finally found a home. The former No. 1 pick, who is on his fourth NFL team in 14 months, just needed the pressure of replacing Tom Brady to find his stride. Mayfield didn’t throw an interception and completed passes to seven receivers.

Up next: vs. Chicago, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

12. Atlanta Falcons (1-0)

(Last week: 21)

Sunday: Beat Carolina Panthers 24-10

Positional value, schmitional value. The Falcons, who are paying a guard $100 million and drafted a running back in the top 10, gave safety Jessie Bates III a contract this offseason that could pay him $64 million, and it’s looking like he’s worth it. Bates delivered two interceptions and a forced fumble in his Atlanta debut. The Falcons are going to upend everything the league knows about paying players at this rate.

Up next: vs. Green Bay, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

13. New York Jets (1-0)

(Last week: 8)

Monday: Beat Buffalo Bills 22-16

Who needs Aaron Rodgers with that defense and Breece Hall? Well, the Jets, obviously, but at least New York fans will have the memory of this gutsy performance to distract them as they constantly refresh their web browsers today waiting on the official word on Rodgers’ injury. Defensive tackle Quinnen Williams had 11 tackles, a tackle for loss and a deflected pass, and Hall had 127 rushing yards on 10 carries.

Up next: at Dallas, Sunday, 4:25 p.m. ET

14. Las Vegas Raiders (1-0)

(Last week: 19)

Sunday: Beat Denver Broncos 17-16

The Raiders are never going to lose to the Broncos again. They made it seven straight against them, and this time with Jimmy Garoppolo at quarterback while Josh Jacobs averaged only 2.5 yards per carry. Just as we all expected, Las Vegas is the only unbeaten team in the AFC West.

Up next: at Buffalo, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

15. New Orleans Saints (1-0)

(Last week: 18)

Sunday: Beat Tennessee Titans 16-15

Michael Thomas is back. After playing only 11 games since the 2019 season, the eighth-year wide receiver played 52 snaps and had five catches for 61 yards against the Titans. He was no Chris Olave (eight catches, 112 yards), but he still provided some warm and fuzzy memories for Saints fans.

Up next: at Carolina, Monday, 7:15 p.m. ET

16. Washington Commanders (1-0)

(Last week: 25)

Sunday: Beat Arizona Cardinals 20-16

The curse is lifted. In the first game this century not under Dan Snyder’s ownership, the Commanders turned two Cardinals fumbles in the fourth quarter into 10 points, and Ron Rivera gave new owner Josh Harris a game ball in the locker room. (Even though we’re overreacting, we don’t think that’s going to be enough for Rivera to stick around into next year.)

Up next: at Denver, Sunday, 4:25 p.m. ET

17. Kansas City Chiefs (0-1)

(Last week: 1)

Thursday: Lost 21-20 to Detroit Lions

Maybe tight end Travis Kelce was the key to the whole thing and not Patrick Mahomes. With Kelce watching from the sideline because of a bone bruise, running back Isaiah Pacheco led all Chiefs with four catches and Mahomes was Kansas City’s leading rusher (45 yards). Yuck.

Up next: at Jacksonville, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

18. Los Angeles Chargers (0-1)

(Last week: 9)

Sunday: Lost 36-34 to Miami Dolphins

A year ago, Los Angeles held Miami to 219 yards, and Chargers coach Brandon Staley was hailed as the Dolphins Stopper. On Sunday, Miami had 536 yards of offense, including 466 through the air. Now Mike McDaniel is going to be hailed as the Staley Stopper because this was the beginning of the end of that head coaching tenure.

Up next: at Tennessee, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

19. Buffalo Bills (0-1)

(Last week: 4)

Monday: Lost 22-16 to New York Jets

That’s it. Mark Sanchez is off the hook. Eleven years after the “Butt Fumble,” Sanchez should finally be allowed to live in peace thanks to Josh Allen’s fourth-quarter fumble that looked very similar to Sanchez’s infamous play and capped a horrible night for the Bills’ quarterback. It was Allen’s fourth turnover of the game and helped the Jets take the lead with less than two minutes to go. Before that play, Allen was picked off three times by New York safety Jordan Whitehead.

Go live your life, Mark!

Up next: vs. Las Vegas, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

20. New England Patriots (0-1)

(Last week: 20)

Sunday: Lost 25-20 to Philadelphia Eagles

Tommy Who? On a day when the Patriots welcomed back Tom Brady, New England quarterback Mac Jones threw 54 passes and three touchdown passes. Brady threw more passes than that only 11 times in a 20-year career in New England. Of course, Brady won a lot more than Mac.

Up next: vs. Miami, Sunday, 8:20 p.m. ET

21. Cincinnati Bengals (0-1)

(Last week: 3)

Sunday: Lost 24-3 to Cleveland Browns

See, this is why Cincinnati never wanted to pay anybody. Three days after signing the richest contract in NFL history (five years, $275 million), Joe Burrow completed 14 passes for a career-low 82 yards. Joe Cool was 2-for-11 passing for 16 yards when the Browns blitzed him, according to TruMedia. The Bengals opened the game with seven straight punts.

Up next: vs. Baltimore, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

22. Minnesota Vikings (0-1)

(Last week: 17)

Sunday: Lost 20-17 to Tampa Bay Buccaneers

We have to get Justin Jefferson to a coast. His talents are being wasted in the Midwest. Jefferson had nine catches for 150 yards Sunday and became the fastest player to 25 games of 100 or more receiving yards in a game along the way, but Minnesota left all of its one-score-game miracle dust in the 2022 regular season.

Up next: at Philadelphia, Thursday, 8:15 p.m. ET

23. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1)

(Last week: 13)

Sunday: Lost 30-7 to San Francisco 49ers

The Steelers need better sparring partners. After explaining playing his starters liberally in the preseason by saying teams needed to spar before they fought, Pittsburgh got knocked out early by the 49ers. After leading five touchdown drives on five preseason possessions, quarterback Kenny Pickett led one in 11 possessions when it mattered.

Up next: vs. Cleveland, Monday, 8:15 p.m. ET

24. Tennessee Titans (0-1)

(Last week: 22)

Sunday: Lost 16-15 to New Orleans Saints

Is Derrick Henry done? After seven seasons that included 1,750 carries, Henry played only 30 snaps (48 percent) against the Saints. Ryan Tannehill did not look good without his 247-pound security blanket. He had a 28.8 passer rating. Maybe Henry, who is clearly not entirely human, just needs some reprogramming. Or maybe he’s given all he can to Tennessee.

Up next: vs. Los Angeles Chargers, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

25. Seattle Seahawks (0-1)

(Last week: 11)

Sunday: Lost 30-13 to Los Angeles Rams

The NFL hates feel-good stories. One year after winning comeback player of the year honors and signing a three-year deal that could pay him $75 million, Geno Smith threw for 112 yards against a Rams defense that bears some resemblance to an XFL team (with the very notable exception of Aaron Donald, of course).

Up next: at Detroit, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

26. Indianapolis Colts (0-1)

(Last week: 30)

Sunday: Lost 31-21 to Jacksonville Jaguars

Anthony Richardson might be OK. All three rookie quarterbacks who started Sunday lost, but Richardson looked the best. He completed 24 of 37 passes for 223 yards and led the Colts in rushing with 40 yards on 10 carries, and he had a nice connection with Michael Pittman Jr., who had eight catches for 97 yards.

Up next: at Houston, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

27. Denver Broncos (0-1)

(Last week: 23)

Sunday: Lost 17-16 to Las Vegas Raiders

Sean Payton owes Nathaniel Hackett an apology. The Broncos’ new boss coached quarterback Russell Wilson to a 177-yard day with two touchdowns and no interceptions in a 17-16 loss. Last year, then-Denver coach Hackett coached Wilson to a 340-yard day in a 17-16 loss in the opener just a few weeks. Seems like Advantage Hackett, who was laughed out of town not long after that game.

Up next: vs. Washington, Sunday, 4:25 p.m. ET

28. Carolina Panthers (0-1)

(Last week: 27)

Sunday: Lost 24-10 to Atlanta Falcons

That was a lot to give up for the No. 1 pick. Carolina sent wide receiver DJ Moore, two first-round picks and two second-round picks to the Bears for the right to draft Bryce Young. On Sunday, Young was picked off twice and had a passer rating of 48.8. He didn’t look overwhelmed, but he did look sort of average.

Up next: vs. New Orleans, Monday, 7:15 p.m. ET

29. Chicago Bears (0-1)

(Last week: 24)

Sunday: Lost 38-20 to Green Bay Packers

It’s a good thing the Bears have all that draft capital because they have to go get a quarterback. The Justin Fields Experiment is over. In his 26th career start, Fields was 24 of 37 for 216 yards, a touchdown and a pick-six. He led Chicago in rushing with 59 yards but also had a critical fumble, and the Bears were down 24-6 before they scored their first touchdown.

Up next: at Tampa Bay, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

30. Houston Texans (0-1)

(Last week: 31)

Sunday: Lost 25-9 to Baltimore Ravens

DeMeco Ryans hates the running game. It would stand to reason that a defensive-minded head coach with a rookie quarterback starting would be all about the run game, but Dameon Pierce had only 11 carries, and the Texans rushed only 23 times as a team. Meanwhile, C.J. Stroud threw 44 times.

Up next: vs. Indianapolis, Sunday, 1 p.m. ET

31. Arizona Cardinals (0-1)

(Last week: 32)

Sunday: Lost 20-16 to Washington Commanders

Maybe monotone Jonathan Gannon is a better motivator than we thought. After being ridiculed for an odd motivational speech before his team, the first-year head coach kept the league’s worst roster competitive in Week 1. Even if it was competitive against the Commanders.

Up next: vs. New York Giants, Sunday, 4:05 p.m. ET

32. New York Giants (0-1)

(Last week: 19)

Sunday: Lost 40-0 to Dallas Cowboys

Fire everybody.

Up next: at Arizona, Sunday, 4:05 p.m. ET

[thinwhiteduke]

Stop.posting 20 ft fucking articles 

No one's reading them.

We don't have time for research papers.

Dallas is not the best team. Theyll choke again 

[HipKat]

46 minutes ago, thinwhiteduke said:

Stop.posting 20 ft fucking articles 

No one's reading them.

We don't have time for research papers.

Dallas is not the best team. Theyll choke again 

Hey fuck face, you are the one who bitched at me for not posting the articles in the past because you’re too fucking cheap to pay for a subscription and if you don’t like it then don’t fucking read it you stupid motherfucker. Nobody is forcing you to read the motherfucking thing. Jesus fucking Christ you are the biggest fucking retard on the planet.

[thinwhiteduke]

5 hours ago, HipKat said:

Hey fuck face, you are the one who bitched at me for not posting the articles in the past because you’re too fucking cheap to pay for a subscription and if you don’t like it then don’t fucking read it you stupid motherfucker. Nobody is forcing you to read the motherfucking thing. Jesus fucking Christ you are the biggest fucking retard on the planet.

You're making people waste time, scrolling unnecessarily.

Yeah right lol like people actually pay for that crap.

Use your head . Post portions. Not magna Cartas

[HipKat]

50 minutes ago, thinwhiteduke said:

You're making people waste time, scrolling unnecessarily.

Yeah right lol like people actually pay for that crap.

Use your head . Post portions. Not magna Cartas

You’re the biggest idiot I have ever come across on the Internet. It takes literally five seconds to scroll through the entire post. Five motherfucking seconds.

this is your hill to die on? Or just admit that you’re looking for anything you can bitch about?

It’s not only astounding that you can be this much of a whiny little bitch, but this just showcases how bad your ADHD is. You are a fucking mental case, and I highly recommend you check in any mental health facility that specializes in long-term, in-house care.

 

[thinwhiteduke]

28 minutes ago, HipKat said:

You’re the biggest idiot I have ever come across on the Internet. It takes literally five seconds to scroll through the entire post. Five motherfucking seconds.

this is your hill to die on? Or just admit that you’re looking for anything you can bitch about?

It’s not only astounding that you can be this much of a whiny little bitch, but this just showcases how bad your ADHD is. You are a fucking mental case, and I highly recommend you check in any mental health facility that specializes in long-term, in-house care.

 

Lol only idiots believe last night's game was a natural occurrence.

If I'm an idiot. You're cold larvae.

Primordial ooze. You're a sign post.

Ultimately, you're just a Bills fan lol.

The very definition of an idiot.

Jets fans are laughing at you. Jets fans.... 

13 seconds. Bengals bitch slapping Bills at home. Can't beat a team with no offense/Jets.

On and on and on

[HipKat]

4 hours ago, thinwhiteduke said:

Lol only idiots believe last night's game was a natural occurrence.

If I'm an idiot. You're cold larvae.

Primordial ooze. You're a sign post.

Ultimately, you're just a Bills fan lol.

The very definition of an idiot.

Jets fans are laughing at you. Jets fans.... 

13 seconds. Bengals bitch slapping Bills at home. Can't beat a team with no offense/Jets.

On and on and on

Cry more, little girl. Let it allllll out.....

[thinwhiteduke]

5 minutes ago, HipKat said:

Cry more, little girl. Let it allllll out.....

I'm not the obsessed Bills fan.

That's you.

You're so confused ,you don't even know how to respond to the truth I gave you 

[HipKat]

2 hours ago, thinwhiteduke said:

I'm not the obsessed Bills fan.

That's you.

You're so confused ,you don't even know how to respond to the truth I gave you 

It's amazing how you reinvent stupid by the hour

[thinwhiteduke]

13 minutes ago, HipKat said:

It's amazing how you reinvent stupid by the hour

Worship me.