How To Root for Pro Sportsball: The stream of consciousness of a pro sportsball fan

[SackMan518]

Yes yes, I know that we all love our sport leagues but I thought that we could poke at our pastime with this satire by people who don't see like we do and think it's ridiculous. (Yes I know that 2 of the memes are from the Buffalo Bills.)  With that said...

How To Root for Pro Sportsball
The stream of consciousness of a pro sportsball fan

Comrades: Pro sportsball is the bread and circuses of Clown World.

 

The major American professional sports leagues (NFL, NBA, MLB) have become unwatchable spectacles of demoralization. NHL is not as big and has bent the knee to a DEI commissar, but that is another story for another day. Fans who devote massive amounts of time and money to pro sportsball should reevaluate their priorities. In contrast, playing amateur sports is great for health, friendship, and character development for kids.

This is a pro sportsball fan’s stream of consciousness:

I love sportsball! WOO!

I wear the name of another man on my back, even though he doesn’t know I exist and hates me!

Bro - member when we fought the rival sportsball team’s fans? I member! We really showed them who’s boss!

Dude - member when you ripped that foul ball away from another grown man? That was awesome.

 

Bud - member when we got so drunk at the tailgate we jumped on tables and got tons of likes on Instagram? Epic!

Homes - member when we rioted and destroyed our own city after our favorite sportsball team won in 1999? I member!

I love to pay hundreds of dollars to go to a crowded stadium, guzzle over priced beers, and inhale hot dogs so millionaires and billionaires can get richer. My loud yelling makes a difference to help my team win!

Who goes to church on Sundays and worships deities? Those people are losers!

I didn’t like it when they kneeled for the anthem and called me racist, but I’m loyal and will keep rooting for them!

I blow tons of money on merch made by Nike’s Chinese slave labor to show off how cool I am. How dare you suggest I need to grow up!

My sportsball team donates my money to child castration clinics, but I still take my boy because that’s what my father did for me.

If I can’t go to the stadium, I invite the boys over to my man cave so we can spend the weekend sitting in front of the TV!

When I can’t watch sportsball, I play it on my XBOX!

My favorite player is LeQuon Johnson. He’s 6’9” 269 pounds, such a jacked stud! Who cares if he’s been accused by many women of rape and abuse? He’s the star of my fantasy team and is racking up the points, so I hope he doesn’t get suspended!

During the week, I consoom ESPN analysis so I can win my sports betting and fantasy football leagues. We have hilarious names like The Ball Sacks and Drumpf! Can you believe my buddy Steve drafted KaShon Jackson over LeQuon Johnson in the first round of the fantasy draft? What an idiot!

Did you see the knockout hit LeQuon put on KaShon? Both will be senile and bankrupt by age 40. It was epic!

I know how all of LeQuon’s metrics for the past ten seasons, but I don’t know who my Senator or Representative is.

So weird that young, fit athletes keep suddenly collapsing and dying. Definitely not related to the jab that is in every commercial!

Did you see that terrible call the ref made? Or that terrible play the coach drew up? I’m way smarter than him, I would have run a different play and won!

Barstool and Dave Portnoy are dope. I want to be just like him when I grow up: drinking beers, eating pizza, and going to college tailgates in my 40s to flirt with teenage girls!

I don’t have time to go to the gym or improve myself. My partner is so annoying, constantly telling me to get off the couch!

 

What’s that, you say? Our overlords are laundering our money while escalating towards nuclear war? Millions of military aged men are pouring across the border? Elections are being stolen? Kids are being groomed? Crime and inflation are at record levels?

I don’t care, my sportsball team made the playoffs! That’s all that matters!

 

 

 

[thinwhiteduke]

4 hours ago, SackMan518 said:.

 

 

Quoted too much

[thinwhiteduke]

Well, I've stated all this lol

[thinwhiteduke]

Can't really argue with the truth of this lol 😂

[SackMan518]

4 hours ago, thinwhiteduke said:

Can't really argue with the truth of this lol 😂

You can do one single reply with 3 sentences instead of 3 separate posts. Thanks.

[thinwhiteduke]

Just now, SackMan518 said:

You can do one single reply with 3 sentences instead of 3 separate posts. Thanks.

Actually, no, I only skimmed first and read more later. Can't edit posts here after time.

They were separate thoughts.

Don't complain over nothing! 

 

Apparently it's like looking in a mirror for some and they can't admit sports is pretty useless.

I still like it

[ICRockets2]

 

[SackMan518]

18 minutes ago, thinwhiteduke said:

Actually, no, I only skimmed first and read more later. Can't edit posts here after time.

They were separate thoughts.

Don't complain over nothing! 

 

Apparently it's like looking in a mirror for some and they can't admit sports is pretty useless.

I still like it

In the upper right where the ellipse is on the post. You can "Edit" as long as they're too old for a post.

[thinwhiteduke]

1 hour ago, SackMan518 said:

In the upper right where the ellipse is on the post. You can "Edit" as long as they're too old for a post.

Dude ,I just said you can't edit after a certain lapsed time. I know. I've used it.

 

[thinwhiteduke]

 

 

[HipKat]

Why isn't this in sports?

[HipKat]

On 8/29/2023 at 8:17 PM, thinwhiteduke said:

Dude ,I just said you can't edit after a certain lapsed time. I know. I've used it.

 

Dipshit, the first 2 posts were 3 minutes apart. The Edit function is good for an hour

[thinwhiteduke]

1 minute ago, HipKat said:

Dipshit, the first 2 posts were 3 minutes apart. The Edit function is good for an hour

And? I had no intention of thinking I needed to correct anything and he bothered me or I read it well after the fact. 

I don't know what the time limit is. I just know it's not infinite like every other normal functioning up to date forum that doesn't have a bunch of abusive trolls on it, like you and the other two.

So fuck off. I posted as I pleased and there's no problem with what I chose to do unless you're an obsessed narcissist who needs to controll others.

Not in the mood for your repetitive, redundant stupidity any more