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  1. I'm back. I'm back better than ever. I stood up to the COVID-19 boogeyman that all the liberal pantywaists are so obsessed with and afraid of, and defeated it in record time. All the nurses and doctors were amazed at how fast I recovered. They said nobody'd ever seen anything like it. This all goes to show that the virus is only harmful to losers and left-leaning weaklings that can't take a sucker punch to the gut and come up swinging like I did. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this whole virus thing is a made-up hoax and we need to open up our businesses and schools and everything like a Las Vegas courtesan and wave goodbye to social distancing and masks so we can get the best economy in history rolling again. The China virus can and will be stopped dead in its tracks by herd mentality.
  2. Are you going to believe me or the corrupt fake media and yourself? My ride was in the public interest, to boost morale and to give hope for a brighter, greater future under my tremendous leadership. What nobody told you was that my driver and security people wore protective masks for every second of that short ride, and, in fact, were the ones who came up with the idea of going for a drive. They had no qualms about it whatsoever. Each of them said-- and I quote--"Mr President, it would be a pleasure and honor to die for you if it comes to it. Let's do this thing. Let's go out there and drive. Drive like we've never driven before!" All the liberal biased media had been saying for days that I was sicker than a dog or close to the end. That tremendous ride proved otherwise. The turnout of well-wishers and cheering supporters was unprecedented. Nobody would have thought so many people would show up. Somebody told me that except for Abe Lincoln, no president has ever gone out for a drive in his car with more people looking on. President of the United States of America
  3. I've got hot, desirable young things sitting on my lap every day of my life. What have you got? That's right. You've got nothing, just like every other financially and morally broke leftist socialist loser I ever met.
  4. Wrong, libtard psychotic hater. The photo's fake. Some sick wacko Photoshopped my naturally healthy complection out. Don't you leftist losers ever get tired of being out to lunch? P.S.: Don't forget to get your lazy work-shy ass to the bank so you can cash your stimulus check gifted to you by yours truly. Some people just don't appreciate how good and easy they've got it.
  5. Dear Faithful Supporters: With the extra time I have on my hands during my convalescence from the kung flu that China is solely responsible for, I've decided to join the Range so I can communicate directly to you all. You probably noticed that I used to post occasional messages through someone whose trustworthiness and reliability I now have reason to doubt -- namely, Professor Pigworth, or, as I like to call him, Professor Pigworthless, who is not only a pig, but a worthless pig. Now, you're probably wondering how I'm doing. Well, I'm doing great. Really tremendously great. Nothing to worry about. Two thumbs up-- and way up high, because I don't have any trouble getting up any of my extremities. Both Melania and Ivanka can confirm this. I've got everything I need here at Walter Reed Hospital. They knocked down the wall across from my bed and filled it with a mega-sized TV screen. The biggest you've ever seen. No one would ever have thought there could be such a big and great TV as this. Now I can devote a lot more of my important time to catching up on programs I may have missed. They also, at my instructions, put a tremendously large side table big enough to fit all my specially selected meals I have flown in fresh every morning from my favorite McDonald's in Tulsa, Oklahoma. "How big you want your orders?" the master chef asked me yesterday. "Super-size me," I replied, "always super-size me." That reminds me. I'm now just 1,233 Big Macs away from my 200,000th burger in my lifetime, which is a milestone I don't want to fall short of achieving. That alone is reason enough to get better and recover from this flu that China is responsible for. But I have other reasons to live. I also want to live for my wife Melania; Ivanka, whom I would marry if I wasn't already married; and my son Baron or Bannen or something like that. As everyone knows, I've got quite the reputation as a ladies' man. So it won't surprise you to know that I'm hoping eventually to score big time with a scintillating young nurse I've got my eye on. (I can't think of anyone more desirable than her to give me my daily bleach injections and to shine UV light up the old weather-worn exhaust pipe.) I already moved on her as she lent over to take my temperature earlier today. I didn't even ask. When you're famous, you can do that." Billy Bush will confirm this. You're probably wondering how I caught the China virus. They say it might be from Hope Hicks, who, I now see all too well, must have been a never-Trumper. She gives me no hope. No hope from Hope Hicks. Hope-- none. By the way, just so you can be sure it really is me and not some degenerate libtard clown posing as me, I've put my presidential seal and photo up at the top of this thread. That way you can be sure that this is an authentic message from the real me. They let you use the seal when you become president with no restrictions as to the number of times. Can you believe it? Who would have believed it? They also gave me this really great coffee cup with the presidential seal that I get to sip from on Air Force One. At this point I'd like to remind you all to please continue your beautiful support of me and to vote for me in the election next month so I can continue to make America even greater than it was when I made it great in the last four years up to but not including the time of the China virus, which was not my fault. As you all know, or should know, I took time off from my extremely lucrative career to unselfishly serve the nation, never for a moment thinking of myself or in any way enriching myself. Why would I want to enrich myself, since I'm like already really rich-- much richer than any of you, but that's okay. Some of my richness will rub off on each and every one of you if you stick with me. That's about all I have to say for now. You might be hearing from me another time. To those who love me and who live through me, don't worry. I always come out on top. Keep the faith, because I'll almost definitely live to see you all buried.
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